Saturday, March 31, 2007

Rosie O’Donnell: Bush Built the Grassy Knoll

New York City, March 30 - Rosie O’Donnell, a host on ABCs the View continued to make controversial comments about President Bush on her television show today saying that the Bush family was involved in building the infamous “Grassy Knoll” in Dallas’ Dealey Plaza. O’Donnell further stated that a Bush family entity named BushCo had done the design and later the landscaping work in Dealey Plaza that resulted in the Grassy Knoll. “I’m not saying that Bush killed Kennedy” O’Donnell said, “but just look at the history, his fingerprints are all over it.” O’Donnell went on to say that the current President can be seen in the background of the McGruder Film walking behind a lawnmower while cutting the grass on the knoll just seconds before a sniper’s bullets took the life of President John F. Kennedy. O’Donnell went on to explain that BushCo was formed in order to give young George and his brother Jeb a little spending money and to keep them out of trouble (“fat chance” the former comedian said). According to O’Donnell BushCo was later transformed into Halliburton, the giant oil field services firm.

A White House spokesperson refused to comment but did ask off the record “have they let that poor lady out of Bellevue again?” A spokesman for Halliburton had no idea who Rosie O’Donnell is but had a good laugh at her expense anyway. The spokesman said that Halliburton was formed in Ardmore, Oklahoma in 1919 and was listed on the NYSE in 1948. The spokesman reiterated that Halliburton has nothing to do with the Bush family or any entity named BushCo. The spokesman also said that although Halliburton was headquartered in Dallas at the time of the shooting, Halliburton had nothing to do with any construction in Dealey Plaza; he even wondered if the plaza’s contour is a natural feature and added “we’re an oil field services company not some landscaper.”

Warning: The above is Satire. I hope.

Thanks again to Dr. Sanity for inclusion in her Carnival of Insanities.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Give It Up for M.C. Rove!

That's right, Karl Rove out there trying to do some sort of rapper dance as the "famous M. C. Rove" during the Radio and Television Correspondents' dinner last night. The improv bit was pretty good, especially when Rove whipped out his cell phone. I did see some of the improv bits on TV last night and the two guys were pretty good, no Second City mind you, but pretty good.

More on the story here.

Liberals Ignore Geneva Convention

I am still waiting for the liberal outrage over the refusal of Iran to follow the Geneva Convention on POWs; a treaty that both Iran and Britain have signed. This Daily Mail article titled "Iranians Parade Navy Woman in hijab" outlines one of the violations; parading prisoners in front of cameras for publicity. This is contrary to the Geneva Convention, however the ignorant leftists of our world don't care. This is just another example that gives the lie to liberal nonsense concerning their "feelings". The woman in the photo has "confessed" to being in Iranian territorial waters; a lie that has been proven through the use of radar and GPS. This is another violation of the Geneva Convention. What did the Iranians do to illegally coerce her into making those statements? The woman should be in a British uniform rather than an islamic scarf, another violation. The British government has been denied access and the sailors have been kept in a secret place, both violations of the Geneva Conventions. Western leftist will stop at nothing to sell out freedom. Hello NY Times!

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Magnificent Moronic Mile

c Flying Debris
c Flying Debris

Last Tuesday evening Chicago’s local leftists held their annual anti-war protest by marching down Michigan Ave., the “Magnificent Mile”. I knew that I would be downtown Tuesday evening so I figured what the heck; I grabbed my camera and printed up a sign that read “You Are the Enemies of Freedom and Liberty”. I went down to Michigan Ave. and stood across from the Allerton Hotel (the old Tip-Top-Tap is no longer on the top of the Allerton) facing the crowd and I had a grand old time playing “witty comebacks to stupid remarks”, but I digress. As I posted Tuesday night the crowd was small compared to last year’s extravaganza, the local papers estimated the crowd size at 4000 people, a little more than half of last year’s rather small turnout. To put that in perspective there are 9.4 million people in the Chicago Metropolitan area.

I was considering titling this post “Stupid White People March Against the War” because the only African-Americans I noticed at that march were members of the Chicago Police Dept. The lack of African-Americans was striking for among other reasons that they make up 36% of the city population and are well represented in many of the suburbs. For the time being I will leave that tidbit for others to analyze although the fact that African-Americans have been so successful in the military likely plays a part. There was of course a wide variety of communist groups represented, International ANSWER being prominent among them and of course there were some groups marching in support of various pan-Arab and anti-Israeli causes. A group of college kids who had a pro-Syria chant was really a sight to behold. As with all of these marches the strange supporters of Che Guevera were in attendance, however the Pol Pot supporters wisely attended incognito. My sign brought out a variety of emotions in those who happened to notice it but shock was part of most reactions. Those people were shocked that someone could conceivably say that they did not stand for freedom or liberty. One woman came up and questioned me, she was in such a rage that she did not seem to even notice that she sometimes deals with me at work; I sometimes trade for the company that she works for and have known her for years. Not only did she not seem to realize that she knew me but she may have also been oblivious to the fact that the small group she was marching with held signs for the Workers World Party, a communist group not exactly known for their support of liberty. In part so that I can get my trades properly cleared I did not clue her in to the fact that we know each other.

This march, like the other organized anti-war marches here in Chicago featured women passing out propaganda along the edges of the march; some of the leafleters were attractive, some not so much. It is worth noting that some seemed to be literally reliving those heady days of the Viet Nam war, dressed up like their Raggedy Ann dolls and pleading with passerby to “come see our veterans speak at Daley Plaza!” The March organizers had a few veterans marching at the lead of the parade dressed in white camouflage so that we couldn’t miss the seven or eight of them and apparently it was up to those vets to “change people’s minds”. It is as if I haven’t been bombarded with those people’s delusions for the last four years. No, make that my entire adult life.

c Flying Debris

I noticed no Code Pink ladies this year and blogger will not let me re-upload my favorite photo from last year, this Code Pink lady and her Dick Cheney hunting sign. I was having more fun responding to barbs than anything else Tuesday night and my photos suffered for it.

-Thanks to the wonderful Dr. Sanity and her Carnival of Insanities for inclusion again this week.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Shaving Heads at the Board of Trade

They are shaving heads in the Soybean Pit today for a cancer charity. I think that they are looking to get traders to donate money in order to see their friends get their heads shaved. I will be staying away from the Bean Pit today.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Chicago Anti-War March Smallest Yet

c Flying Debris
The sign says " Nurses and Doctors say No Oil War". As always the Bush with horns sign was a crowd pleaser.

Although it was much smaller than the previous Chicago Anti-War marches it was much bigger than the Chicago Help People Overcome Tyranny march. Of course the later has yet to step off. The parade used the southbound lanes of Michigan Ave. and was considerably smaller than the same parade last year. I really missed “the Chomsky Guy” who traveled the route and passed out Marxist propaganda on a 1971 Schwinn Varsity during the event last year. There weren’t really any floats unless you count the lame trailer that two guys stood on at the lead of the parade but there were many other amusements. For instance there were many Che Guevara signs, there were many ANSWER signs, and there were many Impeach Bush signs; however there seemed to be much less anti-Israel sloganeering at this parade, which may explain the low turnout. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of the anti-Israel stuff (and even a pro-Syria chant!) at a few points during the parade but there was less of it and I really do think that the smaller parade size is the reason rather than the “progressive” movement banishing those sentiments. At the start of the parade and along its route the guys on the trailer were extolling passerby to join the parade so the turnout had to be a disappointment as it was a nice evening, and certainly no worse than last year.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: “Also Responsible for Disco”

After this week’s blockbuster news of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s confessions to a virtual laundry list of terror crimes additional shocking news concerning the terror mastermind has leaked out of Guantanamo Bay; Mohammed was also the brains behind disco stars the Bee Gees and Donna Summers. Speaking under the condition of anonymity one interrogator said that US interrogators did not initially believe Mohammed’s tales of star making, “I mean in addition to taking responsibility for the sinking of the USS Cole the guy took responsibility for the sinking of the USS Maine and HMS Hood!”

Our source stated that the disco link became believable after further investigation, “it was more than just his I-Tunes library, he had in his possession an early version of the “Stayin’ Alive” lyrics that contained notation in his own handwriting, he had reams of performance contracts listing him as a silent partner and he had a credible reproduction of Studio 54 in his cave, without the personalities of course.” It turns out that Mohammed met Osama “Sammy” Bin Laden at Mohammed’s Beirut disco during the heady late seventies and that he originally served as Bin Laden’s go to guy for entertainment, telling his interrogators that before he came on the scene, “those amateurs could only book Cat Stevens, Peace Train my ass.”

Warning: The above is Satire!

Thanks to the wonderful Dr. Sanity and her Carnival of Insanities for inclusion again this week.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed Confesses!

FOX News has just reported that KSM has admitted to planning a laundry list of crimes including 9/11, Bali, Sears Tower and get this, the murder of former US Presidents including Jimmy Carter. I may not like Carter but don't dare mess with guy! Google shows nothing to link to but FOX stated that the Pentagon has just relesed a heavily redacted report documenting what KSM has confessed to.

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Saturday, March 10, 2007

Pelosi to Witness Mayan Priests Sacrifice Virgins after Bush Visit

Guatemala City, March 10. A group of Mayan Priests accompanied by American Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca) today announced that the Priests would sacrifice two virgins to the Mayan Gods on an altar at Iximche, a holy archeological site. Saying that the “spirit guides of the Mayan community” had informed the community’s leaders that the holy place needed to be cleansed of “bad spirits” and that two virgins would be required. The ritual sacrifice will be carried out soon after Bush’s Presidential visit on Monday and will be witnessed by the American legislative leader who sounded eager to see how such a ritualistic cleansing takes place.

Speaker Pelosi stated that she has been trying to rid her office of “bad vibes” ever since a Bush visit early this year, “we’ve tried everything from a Shaman to Wavy Gravy and nothing will rid those offices of that curse.” Stating that although her grandchildren describe the offices as having “cooties”, a few of her employees “have actually found numerous vortexes in the storage room.” Speaker Pelosi also complained that San Francisco heartthrob and former Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir won’t “come within two miles” of her office. Pelosi referred to last month's Guitar Fanatic Magazine interview in which Mr. Weir complained of being harassed by the late Jerry Garcia and the late Bill Graham for his “lame-ass beard” while visiting with the Speaker in her office. Speaker Pelosi also played down the possible use of virgins in her office cleansing by repeatedly reminding the gathered reporters that her office “is in no way a holy place.”

Warning: the above is satire! I hope.

The above piece was inspired by this Washington Post article reporting that Mayan Priests will perform a ritual cleansing (btw, no virgins were mentioned in the article) after the Bush visit on Monday.

Hat Tip: Drudge.

Thanks to the wonderful Dr. Sanity for inclusion in this weeks Carnival of Insanities.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Penn & Teller to Ban Water!

Okay, the great Penn & Teller don't actually want to ban water, they want to show that people can be herded. They have gotten some friends to go out and gather signatures for a petition to ban dihydrogen monoxide, H2O at something called Worldfest. The video is great, it reminds me of an old Man Show episode in which they had people sign a petition against Woman's Sufferage, the right to vote.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Jesse Jackson: Plagiarizer!

The end of Jesse Jackson’s Chicago Sun Times column today apologizes for his rank plagiarizing of a BBC web site in a column last month. Nice job rev, at least Mr. Jackson could’ve found a better source to plagiarize. The column that Jackson plagiarized can be found here. It is worth noting that the Sun Times stated that the Jackson column was from 2/19 (the web site shows a published date of 2/20) and the original column was printed about 2 PM Chicago time on 2/14. One would think that Jackson could at least remember what he has read during the previous few days. I have watched Mr. Jackson throughout his career here in Chicago and must say that I would not trust him (and by extension his family members who are part and parcel to his schemes) as far as I can spit.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Al Gore: Pot Smokers Imperil World’s Environment!

The satirical piece below was originally posted by Flying Debris over 5 months ago but with the former Vice President’s recent post-Oscar surge in popularity and virtual “rock star” status it seems like a good time to post this one again. The post was based on a Drudge report that Gore had chastised a meeting of UN Delegates for imperiling the world’s environment by smoking.

Amsterdam, Sept. 30. While speaking before a symposium at the Stones Cafe in downtown Amsterdam former United States Vice President Al Gore shook up the normally complacent Stones crowd with his declaration that “toking-up leads to even more global warming!” Mr. Gore went on to explain to those gathered in front of the Stones main stage that “back in the day we used a No-Smoke-Toker” and urged the assembled crowd to “check out the new vaporizer technology that is coming on the market.” The assembled crowd seemed to get the message despite the fact that many of them held flaming lighters in the air during the former Vice President’s encore. One audience member, American ex-pat Joe “Rookie” Stetson of Boulder, Colorado had this to say, “Yeh man like, I knew that my bong was a weapon of mass destruction but I didn’t realize that it was also destroying the Arctic!” He then vowed to “check out one of those Vapo-Rub things that Al was talking about.”

The former Vice President’s appeal for environmental help in the heart of Europe’s marijuana using community underlines how seriously he takes this message. Gore's European appeal follows a similar theme in a speech before the delegates to the United Nations. In that Thursday night speech Mr. Gore stated (the Drudge link has gone bad) that cigarette smoking is a "significant contributor to global warming!" The reactions of the assembled cigar and cigarette puffing foreign dignitaries are not fit for a family newspaper. After leaving the Stones Café Mr. Gore said that he was “getting back on my plane”, a retrofitted Boeing 727 dubbed “Pollution for a Solution!” and that he was heading to Rome in order to “talk to the Pontiff about all of those candles!”

Warning: The Above is Satire! I hope.

Thanks to Dr. Sanity and her wonderful Carnival of Insanities for inclusion this week.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

Is Justice Ginsburg Sick?

Jan Crawford Greenburg the ABC News Supreme Court correspondent has reported that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg seemed ill after oral arguments yesterday and that she had a problem standing and leaving the chamber. Greenburg speculated “perhaps she twisted an ankle during her workouts (she does exercise regularly).”

The fight over a third Bush appointment to the Supreme Court would cause a free-for-all in Washington DC. The Democrats might completely lose it this time.

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