Sunday, April 29, 2007

I Regretfully Predict Another Fatwa

This video is fantastic but I do fear for the guy. Those wacky radical islamists have not been all that great to us infidels. Twenty-eight years ago Elvis Costello sang that "London is full of Arabs" in Oliver's Army and that was nearly three decades ago; this Brit also has more to say than Elvis did. Strangely while searching for those lyrics I found this version of Oliver's Army that spelled "Arabs" as "arabas", safer I guess. Well, more power to you bloke, stay safe.

Hat Tip to Dr. Sanity and her Carnival of Insanities.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Cocks for Clinton?

The above had to be the best sign shown during the MSNBC debate broadcast. The broadcast was from South Carolina State in Orangeburg, just 50 miles south of Columbia, home of the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. The woman (a white woman, if it matters) held the sign and I raced to my recorder as MSNBC tried different angles to avoid the "Cocks for Clinton" girl. She held two signs, the other appeared to be a red Global Warming sign. It also appeared that she was ushered out of camera range by some unknown person or persons.

I didn't think that a group of presidential candidates could sound as uninformed as that group did this evening, especially Gov. Richardson, what a disappointment. On the plus side former Senator Gravel from Alaska actually sounded nuttier than Dennis Kucinich. That alone should make for a lot of comedy during the coming year and a half. We can expect that the media world will only notice the comedy of Kucinich and the guy from Alaska; and of course Bush.

Many thanks to Dr. Sanity and her fantastic Carnival of the Insanities for inclusion again this week.

Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, April 23, 2007

Sheryl Crow: Artist as Her Own Blonde Joke

Sheryl Crow has had one doozy of a week, first she blogged about the possibility of people using one square of toilet paper per visit (hello Lance?), then she and Laurie David got into a spat with Karl Rove at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Sheryl can also be seen on a billboard ad for a Revlon hair coloring at the Jackson Blvd. stop in the Red line subway here in Chicago. The subway ad and the television ad linked to are for a Revlon product and something called the "Not Fade Away Tour". Okay, it's a catchy play on words for Sheryl and the Revlon product but come on, Buddy Holly and the Crickets did Not Fade Away 50 years ago (next month). The Stones did it over forty years ago and this Wikipedia post states that the Grateful Dead played the song during 530 concerts; now that last factoid is one that I can believe. This self described "angry hippie" from New York City takes a much dimmer view of Ms. Crow's appropriation of Not Fade Away and I will not argue with her.

Sheryl Crow has not asked me for any advice, nor frankly is she likely to ask me for any in the future but what the heck, here goes:

Do not discuss your bathroom habits in public.
Do not talk about politics or religion at parties.
Get new friends.

The first suggestion should be obvious but if the habits happen to be bizarre or unbelievable then you should be doubly reticent about airing them out in public.

The White House Correspondents Dinner falls under the long standing (it predates your mother) rule to avoid politics and religion at parties. You and Ms. Laurie allegedly attempted to discuss religion with a politician.

The third suggestion is related to the first two. You need some friends who can pull you aside to tell you, "honey, cut it with the bathroom crap, you sound like a nut."

Labels: , , , , , ,

Saturday, April 14, 2007

It's Chicago!

I have yet to write about this issue but Chicago has entered the competition to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. The United States Olympic Committee has chosen Chicago over Los Angeles as the US entrant for consideration by the International Olympic Committee to host the games. I am not surprised by the choice, my pro-Chicago bias' aside we offer a city that is well suited for the host role. The Games would be centered on the lakefront, a beautifully scenic area. Most venues, planned and established, are already accessible by public transportation. Chicago has also been a convention destination for decades and is well suited to host tens of thousands of people for a few weeks.

The man behind the Chicago push has been Pat Ryan, the founder and Executive Chairman of AON Insurance, a family friend and a very impressive man. Pat Ryan is the type of person who can pull off something as complex and demanding as an Olympics. Mr. Ryan was previously mentioned by Flying Debris here. Watching video of the Washington DC presentation made me feel bad that my late father is not here to see this; he loved his hometown of Chicago and he would've been very proud to see his college friend (Notre Dame) Pat Ryan and his old friend from the Chicago Courts Mayor Daley up there accepting the nomination. If you want to read a great book about Chicago putting on another international spectacle read the Devil in the White City, a great book about the 1893 Chicago World's Fair and a serial killer; the book is a history of the Fair. I do like the fact that I could easily walk to the Whitewater Course and the start of the Triathlon.

Congratulations to Pat Ryan, Mayor Daley and the entire Chicago Olympic Committee.

To see a history of the Chicago Sun Times coverage see here.

Labels: , , , ,

Friday, April 13, 2007

Taliban: "We Just Wanted Yul Brynner Dancers"

Abdulkhel, Pakistan, April 12 - Local villagers took up arms against the local Taliban after the religious fighters kidnapped local transvestite dancers and shaved their heads. A two hour battle involving small arms and rockets ensued that ended with the Taliban taking more villagers prisoner. A local leader, known as an "Ulema" brokered a deal between the villagers and the Taliban that included the unusual provision that the transvestites put on an all Yul Brynner production of the Rogers and Hammerstein classic the King and I. The local "Ulema" who brokered the deal stated that the Taliban headquarters featured Yul Brynner posters and that the King and I was running in the background during the entire negotiation. The unusual provision calls for a two week run including two Friday matinees of the unusual all Yul Brynner production. The local "Ulema" said that the local Taliban leader was a very big Yul Brynner fan, that he called Brynner "the greatest actor to ever live" and that he himself had dreamt up the all Yul Brynner production and was insistent on showing it to the world. The Taliban leader said that the transvestites were the only actors within miles so kidnapping them and shaving their heads was his only option. The local "Ulema" also stated that he was "a fan of modern Jazz" and that if "I hear I Whistle a Happy Tune one more time I will throw myself down a well!"

Warning the above is satire, but only the part about Brynner and a certain Broadway musical.
Hat Tip to the Gateway Pundit who had a more reasonable take on this strange story, Yul Brenner was not actually mentioned in the reporting.

Many thanks again to Dr. Sanity for inclusion in her Carnival of Insanities.

Labels: , ,

Wisconsin Democrat Obey: Too Dumb to Count

The incredibly ignorant Congressman David Obey (D-Wi.) put his intellect on display this week while trying to figure out the "new math" and this one really takes the cake. While discussing the Democratic congress' refusal to follow its own rules on Earmarks, passed just months ago, Mr. Obey had this to say to Congressman Jeff Flake (R-Az.):

“The fact is, that an earmark is something that is requested by an individual member. This item was not requested by any individual member. It was put in the bill by ME!”

An actor with serious learning disabilities will play Mr. Obey in an After School Special.

Big Hat Tip to the Gateway Pundit for pointing out this nonsense that A Second Hand Conjecture found.

Labels: , , ,

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Gore Sighted in Chicago?

Chicago, April 12, 2007 - Rumors of Al Gore sightings were reported across Chicagoland yesterday as the area saw record snowfall for the date. After the Cubs were forced to cancel a game against the Houston Astros due to snow disappointed Cubs fans were heard at watering holes throughout Wrigleyville lamenting the Gore Effect. Across the street from Wrigley Field at the Sports Corner Bar and Grill, Joe and Bill Stanton of Des Moines said they thought that the former Vice-President was at Second City on Tuesday night. Joe Stanton said that "the people next to us said Gore was there but he kind of looked like Burl Ives without the beard" his brother Bill chimed in that "Al seemed to like the show, Between Barack and a Hard Place but I don't think he got it, he laughed at all the wrong times." One of their friends who declined to give his name because he had called in to work sick said that the group had "grown up on farms so we just figured that hey its April but then we heard about what Gore did up in Cleveland. We heard that he showed up at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame wearing a Chief Wahoo hat and they can't start their home season for what, four days now?"

Down the street at Murphy's Bleachers Sandberg Strapp was warming up over a cold Old Style when she said that she had heard rumors of a Gore visit while waiting in line outside of the Wrigley Field bleachers, "I heard that Gore and Tipper were at Charlie Trotter's last night. They probably flew out this morning and look what we get, two inches of snow!" When reminded that in past years it has snowed during Cubs games as late as May 16, Strapp replied "I was there! May 16, 1989! We lost to the Expos and Gore made a speech at the Standard Club the night before!"

Warning: the above is satire.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Jesse Jackson: One Year Later

I must say off the bat that I do not watch or listen to Imus; the only 5 minutes of his show that I have seen featured Kinky Friedman as a guest. I have however watched the career of Jesse Jackson from afar as a citizen of his home town of Chicago. Rev. Jackson has been protesting the Imus comments and he wrote about it yesterday. Almost one year ago Flying Debris wrote about a column that Rev. Jackson wrote in the Chicago Sun Times concerning the Duke Lacrosse Rape case. That entire case was dropped today after a year of bad news for the prosecution. Jackson's column in the Sun Times was bizarre in its outward racism, he wrote that the students were guilty because they are white and white men have rape fantasies about black women. The article is no longer online but my original post does have a great Jesse quote, “(t)he history of white men and black women -- the special fantasies and realities of exploitation -- goes back to the nation's beginning and the arrival of slaves from Africa.”

That pretty much gives you the gist of the Jackson article although he did cite Rebbecca Hall, a UC Berkeley Professor who “studies images of African-American women in the culture”, Ms. Hall helpfully added ''Turn on a music video. A black woman is somebody who has excess sexuality. . . . It's excess sexuality that white men are entitled to.'' As I wrote at the time "who knew?"

I will not be wasting any time waiting for Rev. Jackson to apologize to those lacrosse players or to the white men of America although he has another Sun Times column next Tuesday and he may shock me.

While reading my original post about the article I noticed that later that day I wrote that Rev. Jackson may be joining the lynch mob due to the fact that the woman involved accused players from very wealthy families.

Labels: , , ,

Friday, April 06, 2007

Pelosi Objects to Treatment of Brits

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, April 6, 2007 - While flying back to the United States the US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi reacted angrily to news reports concerning the treatment of British Sailors by Iranian authorities saying that the use of blindfolds and restraints should only be used "within a consensual relationship". The speaker nearly exploded after hearing the initial reports that were relayed to her; Ms. Pelosi was heard to say "if it's not demanded or payed for, blindfolds are out of bounds!" While explaining that her years of experience representing San Francisco gave Speaker Pelosi a particularly good understanding of the hostage situation she repeatedly reminded the gathered reporters that she has many constituents and donors from around the world who "pay good money for such treatment" but that as far as she knew they all had a "safe word or phrase". Ms. Pelosi stated that her personal favorite "would be Madam President" if she found herself involved in such situations.

The Speaker of the House was described as being in a particularly good mood after what she described as her "foreign policy triumphs in the Mid-East". Ms. Pelosi was asked about the possibility of Geneva Convention violations by the Iranians to which the burka-clad Speaker replied, "we all know that George W. Bush and his cronies are the only persons on this planet responsible for disregarding human rights in a fashion that would bring the Geneva Conventions into play." The Madam Speaker further added that "the psychological abuse, physical threats, isolation and separation suffered by those British children are nothing compared to the Bush administration's insistence of listening in on Al Qaeda's phone calls and looking at Al Qaeda's bank records!"

Warning: The above is satire. I hope!

My hopes concerning the satirical nature of this post have been dashed against the rocks of reality again; many thanks to the brilliant Steny Hoyer (D. Md.)

Many thanks to Dr. Sanity and her Carnival of Insanities for inclusion again this week and Happy Easter!

Labels: , , , ,