If My Friend Dave was a Rocket Scientist

He would’ve applied to the US Patent Office for US Patent # 6055910, a “toy gas fired missile and launcher assembly.” The device is described as a typical sounding ballistic barrel with a closed end and an electronic igniter. Where the entire description starts to get a little strange and where it starts to remind me of my friend Dave is the description of the fuel and the method of getting the fuel into the barrel, “(t)o operate the assembly, the operator places the inlet tube with its valve open adjacent his anal region from which a colonic gas is discharged.”

That little tidbit came from Free Patents Online and their Crazy Patents page. Thanks to the Automuse for sending me in that direction.

Saddam Hangs Tonight!

It’s Official. Saddam will hang at 9:00 PM CST. Break out the Champagne and good riddance!

Edwards Announcent: Perfect Place!

John Edwards has chosen the perfect place to make the long awaited announcement of his Presidential campaign. I suggest that all of the upcoming campaign announcements by Democrats should be made in the Democratic enclave of New Orleans. New Orleans is the perfect place to spotlight Democratic policies and the implementation of those policies. After all New Orleans has been controlled by Democrats since Reconstruction, which of course occured during the century before the last century. I was lucky enough to spend a good amount of time in New Orleans in my younger (and even dumber) days and the town still stands out as a fun but backwards and very corrupt place. Possibly because of the town's corruption the wealthy locals of New Orleans do not support their own city, they invest elsewhere. Spend some time in New Orleans and you will see why the wealthy invest elsewhere. I write these opinions as a person who once owned a "get out of jail free card" for that city, it was given to me by a friend's father who was politically connected. I must also state that whenever I list the most corrupt states in the union I always start the list with New Jersey, Illinois and Louisiana.

New Orleans is a city below sea level and some parts of town will flood during a good summer rain, I was in New Orleans once and saw water shooting out of sewers after an hour of rain. I have also been in homes along the Industrial Canal where one can look up to the hulls of passing ships. Such experiences make one wonder how a person could live there. It should be clear by now that New Orleans flooded due to collapsing levees along the canals, those levees are controlled by the Army Corps of Engineers and by the notoriously corrupt New Orleans Parish Levee Boards. I have an acquaintance who is from New Orleans. who currently resides in Chicago, he was once on one of the levee boards; while the city was just starting to flood he was cursing those Levee Boards for what he saw as their corrupt negligence.

It is now well known that New Orleans was required by the Federal Government to have a workable evacuation plan for an emergency like, oh I don't know, a hurricane! It is also well known that the Democratic city government of New Orleans was incapable of carrying out any evacuation at all and in fact they did not even attempt an evacuation and the city's buses were subsequently flooded. During a press conference before the storm hit both Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco lamented that President Bush had advised them to evacuate New Orleans the previous day; they both waited until Sunday when it was largely too late. Despite the fact that those comments were made at a "press" conference the media as a whole ignored those comments and blamed Bush for the storm and it's aftermath.

The nation should know by now that the post-Katrina disaster was caused by poorly constructed levees that are controlled by the local corrupt Democrats in the city of New Orleans rather than some inaction (intentional or otherwise) by the Federal Government (see update below). It should also be obvious that the disastrous aftermath was caused by corrupt and lazy local politicians and frankly complacent people who live below sea level in that city rather than any actions taken by the Federal Government.

I write all of this as a person who has both spent a substantial amount of time in New Orleans and one who has lived through a category 5 hurricane.

The title of this post states that John Edwards has found the perfect place to announce his candidacy. New Orleans is a backwards corrupt Democratic town that abandoned it's own citizens during the hour of their greatest need. Two Americas indeed.

UPDATE:
A commenter has made me reread the above post and I must add that the Federal governments' responsibility for the levee failure is concurrent with that of the levee boards in that they both allowed contractors to use substandard material and/or not build to specs. My acquaintance who served on a levee board left no doubt that he believed that the local boards allowed substandard work. Problems with the Army Corps have been legion and are decades old. That however does not excuse the city government of New Orleans for their failure to heed their own evacuation plans.

Exchange Hijinks Update

The clerk gave up, he could not consume 60 sliders in 30 minutes. He handed out the remaining 10 - 15 sliders to hungry floor workers. The man in question must've started having visions of his inglorious failure during last year's pickle juice drinking contest; that contest ended in a gastric explosion. As fans of the Chicago Cubs are wont to say there is always next year.

Exchange Hijinks

We here on the nation's exchange floors are enduring a mostly slow two week holiday period. Of course we have our ways to make the time go by, including the ever popular eating contests. Today there is a contest involving a clerk from the Wheat Pit who has to eat 60 White Castle sliders in less than 30 minutes. There has been big money bet on the outcome, including a rumoreed $100,000 bet involving two Wheat traders. Cooler heads claim that the wager is more in the $15,000 range. No matter it is not chicken feed. Last year the same clerk had to drink the pickle juice from a gallon pickle jar, he almost got the entire jar down when he threw up. He lost. Much fun down on the old exchange!

President Gerald Ford RIP

All of the news channels are reporting that Betty Ford has anounced that President Gerald Ford has passed away. Be assured that the news media will be much kinder to him this week than they were during his race gainst the goofy President Jimmy Carter. Conspiracy buffs will recall that President Ford was the last living member of the Warren Commision that investigated the Kennedy assasination. He of course will be remembered for his pardon of Preident Nixon for crimes commited in office.

Update: 10:58 PM CNN already has some guy on stating that Ford was "the last Republican moderate" and further that there may never be another moderate in the Republican Party.

Good God! James Brown Dead at 73

Soul singer James Brown often described as the “Hardest Working Man in Show Business” and the “Godfather of Soul” died this morning in an Atlanta area hospital after being admitted yesterday, Christmas Eve. Mr. Brown has been credited with being a founding influence on rap, funk and unfortunately even disco. Despite the difficulties that he had in his personal life he had done a masterful job of reinvigorating his career during the last few years. This despite his age and the fact that he works in a business notoriously geared toward the young. Rapper Chuck D of Public Enemy once said that “James presented obviously the best grooves”. Brown also provided the anthem for black empowerment during the ‘60s with his 1968 hit “Say It Out Loud – I’m Black and I’m Proud”

This nine-plus minute film (that may eventually be linked to above, I am having “issues” with You Tube this morning) was an excellent vehicle for another come back for the Godfather of Soul. The film is part of a series of shorts that were produced for BMW to profile their then new (2003) Z4 sports car.

RIP James Brown

30 Years Ago – Mayor Daley RIP

Thirty years ago today the late Mayor Richard J Daley passed away in his doctor’s office on Michigan Ave. Those of us who were old enough to remember that day will not soon forget it. I still remember reading this article by the late great Mike Royko, a columnist for the now-defunct Chicago Daily News, then our afternoon daily.

Chicagoan Working for Crooked “Sheik” to Sue Rumsfeld

This is a very strange story (the source article is definitely biased!) that the media is taking hook line and sinker. Most reports neglect to mention that the men in question worked for a crooked and abusive contractor in Iraq. Instead of claiming to be “working for the CIA” they claim to have been working for the FBI. Sure thing, the FBI , as is their practice, will not comment on the assertions.

Gay Group to March on Mecca February 14!

In a shocking display of solidarity with their Arab brethren (or sistrem as the case may be) a newly formed group, the Society for the Prevention of Arab Gay Oppression has vowed to march from Jeddah to Mecca next (Saint) Valentines Day with an assortment of Hollywood types and leftist groups. Huffington Poster Greg Gutfeld reports that Human Rights Watch, Move On.org and ACT-UP have gotten together in this attempt to bring civil rights to the gay, lesbian and transgendered communities of the Arab world.

Gutfeld reports that the activists and celebrities who dreamt up the March to Mecca wanted to acknowledge that “more gays are dying from Islamic fundamentalism than from the policies of George W. Bush”. Organizers expect a diverse group and have reserved accommodations ranging from the Hijaz Hilton at $1,190 per night (including a gift basket from “Infernal Restraints”) to a tent city sponsored by David Geffen called the Haqi Pleasure Vistas.

While urging potential participants to “Haj On!” programs director Whoopi Goldberg reminded marchers to “leave our cars and drivers at the airport”. Organizers said that the march would step off at “12 noon sharp in Jeddah, the stunning night-life friendly Saudi Arabian city located on the coast of the Red Sea.” The group sounded genuinely undaunted by the likelihood that no infidel has stepped foot in Mecca since Mohamed’s death in 632.


The “groups” web site (actually from last year’s March to Mecca 2006) is a great parody; the “group’s” name creates their acronym, SPAGO. The contact address is 176 North Cannon Drive Beverly Hills, Ca. 90210, strangely the same address as Wolfgang Puck’s world famous restaurant Spago.

Thanks to the wonderful Dr. Sanity for the heads up

Myths, Lies, Media & the Democrats

DJ Drummond of Wizbang has written a great article concerning the myths that are the lifeblood of the mid-east. His summarization of the post-invasion period of the Iraq war is spot on, including this observation:

"The Holocaust Conference in Iran therefore needs to be seen for what it is, a tactical propaganda move in a continuing war against Israel and the West. It demonstrates why it is so wrong for the Mainstream Media to declare themselves neutral, granting a moral equivalence between America and forces which murder Americans, and why it is wrong to attack the President in time of war, in hopes of political gains at home. In 2003, after the successful invasion of Iraq and the removal of Saddam Hussein, the Middle East understood that the United States had taken control of the initiative, and was dictating events, just as President Bush promised, at the times and manner chosen by the United States. Because of this, Moammar Qaddafi in Libya voluntarily surrendered his WMD programs, Syria backed down from the border of Iraq, correctly believing its own invasion was imminent, and even the mullahs in Iran toned down their rhetoric, hoping to not anger the United States into a war which seemed all too likely to destroy the Jihadists' base. But because the Democrats in Congress refused to support the war for reasons which came completely from expediency issues, and because the media like CNN and CBS and the New York Times became actively opposed to the American government, the Jihadists found hope for their survival through the cowardice and cavil of vain and shallow men."

I would also like to add (in all fairness) that the jihadists are also relying on the cowardice and cavil of vain and shallow women. I would also like to add that the Iranian leader may simply be trying to downplay Hitler's evil in order to build up his own evil doings now and into the future. If he eventually wipes out Israel he could be the biggest killer of Jews in history only if one believes that that Hitler did not systematically kill Jews.

Ahmet Ertegun – RIP

Ahmet Ertegun, the founder of Atlantic Records has passed away at the age of 83 after slipping in to a coma following a fall at a Stones concert at the Beacon Theater in New York City. The son of a Turkish Ambassador will be buried in his native Turkey. The story is here.

Obama to be on Monday Night Football – When will he host Nightly News?

Good Grief! Can I not even watch a Bears game without hearing people fawn over my Senator, Barack Obama? News reports this afternoon are saying that Sen. Obama (D-IL) will be on the broadcast of this evening’s Bears/Rams game. If you do not live in Chicago you cannot imagine the news coverage of Obama. The coverage has seemed wall to wall in both newspapers although in reality it has probably averaged a little over one story per day per newspaper. The Sun Times DC correspondent Lynn Sweet seemed to be following the poor guy around like a puppy a few weeks ago. Tonight’s appearance means that we will be treated to even more Obama-fawning articles tomorrow and in the sports section no less!

I think that the local press folks believe, with some possible validity that they will have some sort of access to the White House if Mr. Obama becomes President. After all it was just two years ago that Mr. Obama was running his first statewide campaigns, during which both of his strongest adversaries succumbed to sex related media scrums. The way things have been going in the press around these parts those journalists should expect to get a few sleepovers in the Lincoln Bedroom, minimum.

While searching the web for a piece to link to I did have to laugh at this Kansas City Star head line, “Major announcement from Obama ... Senator backs Chicago Bears”. Unfortunately the AP story is just another fawning piece about an Obama joke. Although I must say that as a citizen of Illinois I am happy that Mr. Obama has come out strongly on an issue that rises above what seems to be the usual picayune. Okay, so it’s a Bears game.

Jeane Kirkpatrick: RIP

Ms. Kirkpatrick (1926 – 2006) was the US Ambassador to the UN during President Reagan’s first term. She was a staunch anti-communist and often a breath of fresh air – not an easy thing to do with what appeared to be a nearly constant scowl. A former girlfriend of mine worked for her at the UN and the woman hated Kirkpatrick. Apparently Ambassador Kirkpatrick was quite the taskmaster. That former girl friend is now at the CIA (the last I heard) and probably bitching about her current boss. To the friends and family of Jeane Kirkpatrick: my prayers are with you at this difficult time.

More stories about her life can be found at:

Forbes
Powerline
Wizbang