Monday, December 17, 2007

EL Rider Confronts Speculation - Hat In Ring for 10th District Run

After weeks of speculation (all of it unwritten and unspoken) that I, the EL Rider, would run for the United States Congress in the upcoming election, I have decided to end the guessing game. I will run as a write-in candidate for the Democratic nomination for the Illinois Tenth District seat in the United States House of Representatives. This will likely come as a shock to my two opponents who thought that they only had each other to worry about; now they have to worry about history. I will run on the John F. Kennedy platform from 1960, lower taxes and strong national defense. Oddly that platform would make my opponents some sort of two-headed Nixon.

Some would say that I cannot run for that seat because I live outside of the district, poppycock I say. Of my opponents only Jay Footlick actually has a residence in the district, he rented a pied-a-district last July and my other opponent Dan Seals has never lived in the district. However, it should be noted that both have dined in the district. On the other hand, like the sitting Republican Congressman Mark Kirk I grew up in the district and have played on ball fields up and down the length and breadth of the 10th district. Further I have been gainfully employed in Chicago during the past three years and for decades before that, something neither of my opponents could honestly state.

As a nod to the Clinton campaign of 1992 my campaign committee has been organized in the manner of a "war room" (the term is also used in the trading business) but it will be referred to as the "war room without Carville or Stephanopoulos" or WRWCoS for short. The WRWCoS has advised me that although I currently live in the Chicago neighborhood of Lincoln Park, one if the many diverse Chicago neighborhoods that made up the "Seals Coalition" during the last election, that I should consider moving into the 10th district. Some (well, one) have suggested that I move back in with my mother, who lives in the district (thanks Mom) but I have decided to put down more permanent roots. So later this week I will be looking at an apartment above the Glenview House, I plan to sign a one year lease on my own pied-a-district that will terminate months after Mr. Footlick's lease. As a big nod to the personal life and career of Democratic Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts I will also be on the, er, lookout for one of those super-rich North Shore divorcees to shack-up with.

As a further tribute to the Clinton campaign of 1992 I will effectively refuse to release any tax returns or any information concerning any futures or option trades that I may or may not have placed at any time until well after any election that I may win. I will however state here and now that I have not traded any cattle futures during this century. If pressed I will offer access to "original trading records", that's right, "original", meaning the paper that I scribble on. I am legally required to keep those records for five years and the first ones that I would find today would be from the fall of 2002. Thank you Mrs. Clinton. I'd like to give another shout out to former Goldman Sachs Chairman and CEO, Democratic Senator and current New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine who has inspired me to state unequivocally that I will make no statements concerning any corporations, partnerships, holdings or hedge fund interests that I may own or may be partner to. Thank you Mr. Governor and best wishes with the recovery, I know how bad the cold weather can be to bone injuries, my prayers are with you.

Some have asked, "hey EL Rider, why didn't you just turn in petitions like everybody else?" That is a great question and frankly the answer doesn't make my faith in the WRWCoS look very well placed; they ordered the phone books for Lake County, Indiana. The WRWCoS had planned on using the popular "Link Method" of sequential petition listing. At the last minute we had to regroup and run as a write in, something that Lake County Democratic Party Chairman Terry Link nearly had to do. Later events showed that certain bloggers are starting to catch on to this popular ruse, so maybe the error was a blessing.

As an attempt to not alienate or offend anybody I promise that I will not speak any language other than English. I am Irish Catholic but I swear that I will not send out any pamphlets containing anything written in Gaelic or any images of Irish people drinking beer on St. Patrick's Day.

To my two opponents I say, more to follow.

El Rider For Congress - I Don't Live There Either!

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Anonymous mpw said...

Where can I get signs for my yard and some more for some yards in my hood?

11:18 PM  
Blogger Publia said...

I'm volunteering to help do a sign run. I can either drive or put the signs in, and maybe I can get a crew together for old times sake. I figure we can get a great deal of the district posted in one evening during the hours less dedicated politicians spend in bars. We will also put a few in the 9th Congressional District around where Dan Seals lives (or maybe lives, as the case may be). You are well on your way to victory!

11:37 PM  
Blogger Team America said...

Wow, this may even be enough for me to pull a Dem ballot so I can vote for you!

You may have company on that write-in ballot, Senator Link isn't out of the woods yet. You guys could maybe knock on doors together where the 10th and the 30th senate district overlap, that is, if Senator Link ever did any campaigning himself.

6:55 AM  
Blogger El Rider said...

Thanks guys,
This self-funded campaign has promise and I am looking into sign production right now but I am still undecided about the slogan. After all my opponents seem to have stolen the old slogan for the Renault Le Car from 1976 "Renault, we're number five, we don't care at all!" Catchy, sure but it didn't sell many cars.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

El Rider Forever!!!

7:25 AM  
Blogger Elsie said...

This qualifies for Republican humor?


10:23 PM  
Blogger El Rider said...

Hi Elsie,
If that is indeed your name, your link is not to any blog but a blogger account that you signed up for this month. First off, I challenge you to find a post where I state any party affiliation, in nearly 600 posts you won't find it. However if you search "Rahm Emanuel" in the blog search box you may be surprised.

On to humor, humor beyond the Three Stooges demands some intellect and this post demands that the reader understand the history of the Democratic Party during the past 15 years. This was clearly too much to ask of you and frankly many Democrats. When a party does what the Democrats have done it is much more comfortable for the members to deny what their party has done. As you cannot fathom the recent past I won't even bother with such Democratic moments as when FDR imprisoned people due to there race or the party's Chicago Platform that endorsed chattel slavery.

Say hello to Mark Korsmeyer for me.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous vote for Kalbfleisch said...

This is hilarious.

1:04 PM  

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