Pelosi Satisfies Democratic Crazies

It may be a go, Pelosi has been going crazy lately trying to make America more dangerous so why not attempt to become President? She has moved the insane Dennis Kucinich's impeachment bill into the House Judiciary Committee. The Judiciary Committee is chaired by John Conyers, a man whose crazy wife Monica may very well end up in jail for corruption in their hometown of Detroit. Pelosi is number three in the line of succession to the Presidency so watch for Vice-President Cheney to go down first if she can pull off this nonsense.

Pelosi and Dems Want to Control Free Speech

Again. Two years ago the Democrats wanted to force bloggers who write about congress to register with the federal government under threat of jail time. Today Pelosi and the Democrats want to replace unused rules by placing restrictions on what members of congress can say on pre-approved internet sites. Pre-approved by the Democratic majority. They want to control public opinion using fascist techniques. Pathetic.

Code Pinkos Harass Pelosi Neighbor

Here's a story that I missed last week, the San Francisco Police have cleared the area in front of Speaker Pelosi's (D-Ca) home of protesters and made the spaces in front of her house no parking spaces, fair enough. Unfortunately in addition to loosing five parking spaces the fact that the city has allowed the protesters to stay in the neighborhood means that the Speaker's neighbors are bearing the brunt of the nonsense propagated by Code Pink and their fellow travelers.
Hat Tip: Michelle Malkin.

Pelosi Objects to Treatment of Brits

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, April 6, 2007 - While flying back to the United States the US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi reacted angrily to news reports concerning the treatment of British Sailors by Iranian authorities saying that the use of blindfolds and restraints should only be used "within a consensual relationship". The speaker nearly exploded after hearing the initial reports that were relayed to her; Ms. Pelosi was heard to say "if it's not demanded or payed for, blindfolds are out of bounds!" While explaining that her years of experience representing San Francisco gave Speaker Pelosi a particularly good understanding of the hostage situation she repeatedly reminded the gathered reporters that she has many constituents and donors from around the world who "pay good money for such treatment" but that as far as she knew they all had a "safe word or phrase". Ms. Pelosi stated that her personal favorite "would be Madam President" if she found herself involved in such situations.

The Speaker of the House was described as being in a particularly good mood after what she described as her "foreign policy triumphs in the Mid-East". Ms. Pelosi was asked about the possibility of Geneva Convention violations by the Iranians to which the burka-clad Speaker replied, "we all know that George W. Bush and his cronies are the only persons on this planet responsible for disregarding human rights in a fashion that would bring the Geneva Conventions into play." The Madam Speaker further added that "the psychological abuse, physical threats, isolation and separation suffered by those British children are nothing compared to the Bush administration's insistence of listening in on Al Qaeda's phone calls and looking at Al Qaeda's bank records!"


Warning: The above is satire. I hope!

Update:
My hopes concerning the satirical nature of this post have been dashed against the rocks of reality again; many thanks to the brilliant Steny Hoyer (D. Md.)

Many thanks to Dr. Sanity and her Carnival of Insanities for inclusion again this week and Happy Easter!

Pelosi to Witness Mayan Priests Sacrifice Virgins after Bush Visit

Guatemala City, March 10. A group of Mayan Priests accompanied by American Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca) today announced that the Priests would sacrifice two virgins to the Mayan Gods on an altar at Iximche, a holy archeological site. Saying that the “spirit guides of the Mayan community” had informed the community’s leaders that the holy place needed to be cleansed of “bad spirits” and that two virgins would be required. The ritual sacrifice will be carried out soon after Bush’s Presidential visit on Monday and will be witnessed by the American legislative leader who sounded eager to see how such a ritualistic cleansing takes place.

Speaker Pelosi stated that she has been trying to rid her office of “bad vibes” ever since a Bush visit early this year, “we’ve tried everything from a Shaman to Wavy Gravy and nothing will rid those offices of that curse.” Stating that although her grandchildren describe the offices as having “cooties”, a few of her employees “have actually found numerous vortexes in the storage room.” Speaker Pelosi also complained that San Francisco heartthrob and former Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir won’t “come within two miles” of her office. Pelosi referred to last month's Guitar Fanatic Magazine interview in which Mr. Weir complained of being harassed by the late Jerry Garcia and the late Bill Graham for his “lame-ass beard” while visiting with the Speaker in her office. Speaker Pelosi also played down the possible use of virgins in her office cleansing by repeatedly reminding the gathered reporters that her office “is in no way a holy place.”


Warning: the above is satire! I hope.

The above piece was inspired by this Washington Post article reporting that Mayan Priests will perform a ritual cleansing (btw, no virgins were mentioned in the article) after the Bush visit on Monday.

Hat Tip: Drudge.

Thanks to the wonderful Dr. Sanity for inclusion in this weeks Carnival of Insanities.

Pelosi Blinked “TORTURE” in Morse Code during SOTU

Inspired by the exploits of Rear Adm. Jeremiah Denton (ret.), Speaker Pelosi blinked a Morse Code version of the word “T-O-R-T-U-R-E” while listening to the President’s State of the Union speech on Tuesday evening. Unfortunately whenever the President spoke of “victory in Iraq” Speaker Pelosi was seen furiously blinking the word “H-E-L-P!” in Morse Code. Many today do not know of Adm. Denton and his fight against the Vietcong sadists who held him prisoner. Denton was pulled out of his hole one day, cleaned up and forced to appear in a communist propaganda film in which he stated that he and his fellow prisoners were being treated humanely; while speaking to the camera Denton blinked the word “T-O-R-T-U-R-E” in Morse Code.

Also see this disgraceful Democratic reaction to Denton’s heroics. Remember, they support the troops, yeh, right.

Disclosure: I have met Adm. Denton; he taught part of a week-long class on torture (part of an Intro. To Psychology requirement) at Spring Hill College while I was a freshman there.

State of the Union & Nancy Pelosi

Bush is speaking about terrorism and Speaker Pelosi looks, shall I say, a little uncomfortable. If she was speaking I would assume that she was lying; or does she always look like she is lying? When somebody blinks as often as the Speaker of the House currently is I simply assume that the person speaking is not on the level. Maybe "shifty" is a better description.

Update: It looks like Charles Johnson over at Little Green Footballs also noticed the feverish blinking.